Trail Blazes, Ferns, Fungus. French Creek State Park, Warwick Township.
I want to say something about these images that is related to where I took them and the experiance that I had around making them. But this evening, warm and air thick with humidity, I am at a loss for these images, taken earlier this month on a day hike with A. and the dog. Not because they are somehow hard to talk about but because I am in a place that is neither focused nor engaged. Perpetually lost and staggering, grasping at ideas in order to figure out who I am and where I belong, I am both tired and frantic. There are times when I feel like I have something figured out and I am focused and intent and like I could do anything but right now, things aren’t coming together like I had planned and I am exhausted and frantic.
So, I stick to what I know and learning small things that improve my quality of life. I went to an open hive event at a local beekeeper’s house and learned some new stuff about bees. I started making my own yogurt and cultured butter. I am learning about roses. I tend my dishelved backyard. I read. I go to work. I do yoga. I swim. I sew. I stick to routine because I can’t see outside of my day to day tasks. I plod slowly along, without a plan, without a path to follow because I have no idea what it is I want or who I am or where I belong.
This might be okay, were I not 27. This might be okay, were I financially better off.
It’s not okay anymore and I have no idea what to do about it.