Confessions of an Obsessive Compulsive. « « GodsHomeMoviesGodsHomeMovies

Confessions of an Obsessive Compulsive.

Two Hundred and Fourty Stainless Steel T-pins, Mid-February, 3.30 pm. Brighton MA.

My fixation and obsession with the number six started as an attempt to neutralize certain neuroses that I held and still hold; I began adding, in my head, numbers when I saw them in order to see whether or not they equaled six. It is a perfect number, as the sum of six’s factors equals it (i.e. 1+2+3=6). I began a system of addition where everything is added down until it is a single digital, which, in my case, hopefully equals six. If it doesn’t, I just move on until I find a number that does. It is very basic and straightforward math but it has become a constant part of my thought pattern and is so ingrained in my day-to-day activities and who I am that I am almost unaware of it. It is a constant cacophony of numbers tabulating themselves in my head when I am talking eating sleeping fucking wanting dreaming typing driving walking laughing living.

One Hundred and Five Cup of Unbleached Wheat Flour, Early February, 7 am. Brighton MA.

This type of behavior is a tell-tale sign of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an anxiety disorder that is characterized by obsessive (repetitive distressing intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsession. Not surprising, then, that I chose the number six as my number of choice. Unattainable perfection and the consequential guilt is my obsession. Adding numbers in my head to equal the number six is my compulsion. This body of work takes the obsession and the compulsion to another place. By using my obsessive-compulsive behavior, I am being productive in a way that is completely useless. The endless hours of repetitive, meaningless and ultimately futile labor to complete the tasks I’ve assigned myself give me a sense of high work ethic, purpose and a reason to keep working.

Ninety Six Glass Containers, Early February, 11.30 am. Brighton MA.

The objects I chose are all white, off-white or devoid of color; they are also organic but have been processed and synthesized by man into “useful” objects. The titles of the images in the book indicate the number of objects photographed. When the digits are added together, they equal six. It is a dual process; I carefully prepare the objects and install the set-ups, then photograph them. The set-ups, which are ultimately sculpture pieces, are a direct product of my Obsessive-Compulsive behavior and are private endeavors, experiences and acts of meditation. It is the photographs that are the final product; they are the confession and the Self portrait. I want these confessions, then, to be as beautiful and lush as possible, because the forces and the self that create them are not.

One Hundred and Seventy Seven Vintage Bone Buttons. Early March, 4.30 pm. Allston MA.